So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
