Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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