so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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