Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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