The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
