i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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