This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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