so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
