I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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