just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize