my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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