i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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