i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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