Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
