I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
