Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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