So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
