I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's blow job season.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The Olympian is in my bed
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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