I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
