I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
