you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize