His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
