i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
