U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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