In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize