You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
