After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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