Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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