Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
