You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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