I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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