after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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