The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
