so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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