Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
