My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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