i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
