I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize