Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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