Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the condom got lost in my hair
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
