i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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