I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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