I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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