so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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