if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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