Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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