Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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