Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drunk is not a location!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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