you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You smell like stripper and shame
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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