so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
