my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Text me some of your sweat
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
