i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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