Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
