ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize