i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wish there were birth control emojis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
