i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
