I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
