i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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