like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
