I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
