I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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